Saturday, May 26, 2012

"Go Poop In Your Own Yard"

Ms Elizabeth loves her adventurous walks around the yard. Everyday there are new things to discover like, why are there two piles of poop in the yard? "I know these aren't mine" Elizabeth says as she strolls through the yard. "I bet they belong to the cat next door and now my fur people have to clean this mess up." Elizabeth strolls to the fence peeking through, "I see you cat and this is my yard over here. Go poop in your own yard." The cat comes strolling across the yard and stops, Ms. Elizabeth of course takes a step backwards. "You talking to me punk?" The cat sets there growling. Old Tom as he's known around the neighborhood is just a neighborhood Tom, who strolls every evening getting into trash cans, spraying in every one's yard which often the morning air smells of, "Eu de' cat piss" because of this. Ms. Elizabeth doesn't mind barking at him through the fence, knowing her fur people are always close by in case Old Tom decides to get froggy and pounce. Last summer, Old Tom decided to climb a tree with the nestlings of the Blue Jay's. Someone should have told him that there are a few species of birds that cat's just shouldn't mess with, Blue Jay being high up on the list. Ms Elizabeth sat on the porch barking, her fur owners laughed, "Should have read the book" Ms Elizabeth yelled out, barking as the Blue Jay's gave Old Tom the what for chasing him down the road. A short time later the Blue Jay's are back in the tree shrieking the call, "Cat, Cat!" We never noticed until that day that the Blue Jay's actually yell for the cats. Hmmm that's pretty odd... (Continued Soon)

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

"Are You A Dog-A-Holic"

Good evening. My name is (...) and I am a dog-a-holic. I would like to welcome all of you to this months meeting of "Dog-A-Holics Anonymous." Some of you are here tonight because a friend of relative brought you here. You may be sitting here thinking that you are OK and that you really don't need any help. It's not easy to admit you are a dog-a-holic and it is even harder to bring yourself to a D.A.A. meeting for help. D.A.A. is here to assist you. I have some questions to ask. If you can answer YES to more than (3) of the following, you have come to the right place. Can you say "bitch" in public without blushing? Do you drive a station wagon, van, 4x4 when everyone else drives a real car? Do you have more than (1) car? One for you and one for the dogs? Do you spend your vacation/holiday's going to shows, specialties and seminars when everyone else is on a cruise? If you do go overseas, is it to London in March to attend Crufts? Do you discuss things at the dinner table that would make most doctors leave in disgust? Do you consider formal wear to be clean jeans and freshly washed tennis shoes? Is your interior decorator R.C. Steele? Was your furniture and carpeting chosen to match your dogs? Are your end tables really dog crates with table cloths thrown over them? Do you know the meaning of CD, CDX, UD, CGC, HIC, WC, JH, MH, CH and OTCH? Is your mail made up primarily of dog catalogs, dog magazines and premium lists? Do you get up before dawn to go to Training Classes? Dog Shows? Seminars? If you do have dresses. do they all have pockets? Do these pockets often contain freeze dried liver, Rollover or squeaky toys? When you meet a new person do you always ask them what kind of dog they have and pity them if they don't have one? Do you remember the name of their dog sooner than you remember their name? Do you find non dog people boring?

If you answered YES to one of the above... there is still hope. If you answered YES to two... you are in serious trouble. If you answered YES to three... you are in the right place. My advise to all of you with three or more YES's is to sit back, smile, turn to the smiling person next to you and know your life will always be filled with good friends and good dogs and it will never be boring.

~Anonymous Author- (Found many years ago and kept this. If you know who wrote this, please let me know so that I can give them proper credit)